I think one of my biggest fears for Ella is that she will be rejected. I would say that this is solely because she is handicapped, but it's not. I had the same fears for myself. Acceptance was and is a big deal to me. I don't like feeling left out of anything or disliked. It drives those around me a little nuts. If I'm left off of an invite list (even accidentally) or if I didn't get a call that people were getting together, I took it very personally. I've come to realize that I do this for Ella as well. She doesn't even notice that she's different, yet I automatically assume that people will reject her for her disabilities. I want so badly to be liked and loved and invited, so I think I make those Ella's desires as well. She didn't care if the gym daycare couldn't accommodate her, she was perfectly happy at home with grandma (or anyone else who wanted to watch her).
I struggle so much with self-image and I don't want to pass those same thoughts and concerns on to my daughter. I want her to be self-assured and to not see herself as different, but beautiful in the eyes of the One who created her. I know that when someone has body-issues no one usually understands, I can say that I have friends who I think are perfect and they still have things they want to work on...we all do (well, except Joe, he does think he's perfect).
Dear Lord,
I pray that my daughter may have a peace that comes from you that only you can give and the world cannot offer her. I pray that her heart is not troubled and that she is never afraid. May she know that she is fearfully and wonderfully made. I pray that she knows full well that your works are wonderful.
Amen
However, my daughter is in her playroom talking to either herself or imaginary friends, so she might be considered weird for totally different reasons than I was!
1 comment:
andrea, i could relate so much to this post. just recently we've been venturing out more and more with Olivia, and i often fear what others will think of her - and she's still a baby so it's not like you really notice anything wrong right off the bat (other than the fact that she has difficulty holding up her head/trunk and doesn't really use her arms/hands purposefully). and it's always turned out that if anyone says anything it's how cute she is. i wish so much just for her happiness. thanks for posting this.
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