Then the bottom fell out of my day. As we got to church, unloaded the kids and started making our trek into church Ella started crying. I know, most of you who have been around her have NEVER seen (or even heard of) her crying. It's heartbreaking. She has the biggest crocodile tears ever and the sound she makes when she's upset crushes everything that can hold you together. I took her out of her wheelchair and started comforting her, it got better for the elevator ride (good thing because there were a lot of people on there) and then it started again and wouldn't let up. As my dear friend Deborah came to help us...well, I started crying too. It's hard. 53...the number of months without any real communication from my daughter. No words. Oh, people say that she says this or that or understands...but to live with her daily, there is no communication. There are silent answers to things or a "yeah" or "okay"...but because doesn't have a "no"...it's hard to know if she's really answering or just agreeable. By the time I got it together and handed her off to Mrs. Lynn (her teacher for the last 3 years) she was fine, and she did great in Sunday School...even enjoyed the puppet show they had for all the Preschoolers. I have to say, the workers in our church childcare are amazing. They love all of my children and know them, and their quirks, it's really huge blessing. This is going to sound weird, but right now there is a radio commercial that I'm talking on here in Dallas. I'm directly talking about the childcare at church and how much they have meant to us...today was a shining example of why this ministry is so important to me.
I cried through Sunday School. I knew Ella was going to be fine, but it broke my heart. I can't communicate with her. I can't have witty banter, and arguments and discuss what she wants to wear...and today I need to ask what was wrong.
In God's perfect timing we had a study on HOPE and FAITH and TRUST today. The lesson was spoken by a wonderful man who lost a daughter at the age of 6...so he knows a lot about not asking "why" and allowing God to work through our situations. So my goal is to HOPE that Ella will be healed, to have FAITH that He can heal her if it's in His plan and TRUST that He will guide me through the situation regardless of what the outcome is for Ella or me.
"When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God, whose word i praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?" Psalm 56:3-4
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6
"And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brethren; and these whom He predestined, He also called; and these whom He called, He also justified; and these whom He justified, He also glorified." Romans 8: 28-30