Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Reflections of Myself

I think one of my biggest fears for Ella is that she will be rejected. I would say that this is solely because she is handicapped, but it's not. I had the same fears for myself. Acceptance was and is a big deal to me. I don't like feeling left out of anything or disliked. It drives those around me a little nuts. If I'm left off of an invite list (even accidentally) or if I didn't get a call that people were getting together, I took it very personally. I've come to realize that I do this for Ella as well. She doesn't even notice that she's different, yet I automatically assume that people will reject her for her disabilities. I want so badly to be liked and loved and invited, so I think I make those Ella's desires as well. She didn't care if the gym daycare couldn't accommodate her, she was perfectly happy at home with grandma (or anyone else who wanted to watch her).

I struggle so much with self-image and I don't want to pass those same thoughts and concerns on to my daughter. I want her to be self-assured and to not see herself as different, but beautiful in the eyes of the One who created her. I know that when someone has body-issues no one usually understands, I can say that I have friends who I think are perfect and they still have things they want to work on...we all do (well, except Joe, he does think he's perfect).

Dear Lord,
I pray that my daughter may have a peace that comes from you that only you can give and the world cannot offer her. I pray that her heart is not troubled and that she is never afraid. May she know that she is fearfully and wonderfully made. I pray that she knows full well that your works are wonderful.

However, my daughter is in her playroom talking to either herself or imaginary friends, so she might be considered weird for totally different reasons than I was!


I've been thinking about my blog. My "weblog". Ha...who would have ever thought that I would put my family out there for the whole world to see?! It started with a simple and easy pregnancy, wanting to keep friends and family informed...since Joe's family and friends lived all over the place. Since Ella decided to make a dramatic entry into this world I've been addicted to this way to chronicle our lives. I've noticed lately that it has become more pictures than actual "logging". So, I'm going to try and do equal parts pictures and may find none of the writing interesting, but it's my blog so I can do whatever I want.

I have to start by saying that I'm listening to my Cary Pierce CD...if you haven't heard of just Cary, then I hope you remember Jackopierce (you would have had to been in college or high school sometime in the 90's). I was first drawn to "Jacko" back in high school. Guys from church would strum the songs on their guitars at camp or just hanging around the church (yeah, okay, not a Christian band, but hey). Funny thing is that years later I ended up meeting a local music follower I thought I had reached the pinnacle...don't try telling me otherwise, I still love this music. Through Cary I met a guy named Graham Colton who shortly became my neighbor/friend and now he's a big deal (they always forget the little people when they get famous).

All of this to say that it's amazing how music can take you back to a certain time in life. Just hearing Cary's song on a commercial for the Nasher Sculpture Center made me stop and smile in my living room today...I laughed out loud at the memories. One memory to write about: My roommate Allison and I used to live in the apartments right by the American Airlines Center. One Saturday morning at around 5am we started hearing sound-checks for a marathon they were starting soon. Not long after we hear a familiar voice doing his own was Cary. We ran over from our apartment (literally in tank tops and shorts and flip flops...everyone else was in running gear) and just attended the concert...HAHA. (well it was funny to us)

The same "stop and listen" moment happened as they were kicking someone off of American Idol one night and I heard another familiar voice, Graham. He was playing his new song "Best Days" and I about fell over. He'd finally made it!!! Granted it was just a song in the closing of a show, but it's been huge since then. I can say that I would go and hear G.C. play at Flying Saucer in like 2000. The next 3 years we saw the band in Austin, Oklahoma City, Washington D.C. and the greatest was in NYC for 3 days when we got to go backstage and meet the Counting Crows (that's who Graham was opening for). I thought I had made it to the top in the music world, and at the time that was huge deal to me.

Anyway, just thought I'd take you down music-memory-lane. Thanks for traveling along.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

If you know me

stole this from GirlTalk:

I don't do windows because ... I love birds and don't want one to run into a clean window and get hurt.
I don't wax floors because ... I am terrified a guest will slip and get hurt then I'll feel terrible.
I don't mind the dust bunnies because ... They are very good company, I have named most of them, and they agree with everything I say.
I don't disturb cobwebs because ... I want every creature to have a home.
I don't Spring Clean because ... I love all the seasons and don't want the others to get jealous
I don't pull weeds in the garden because ... I wouldn't want to mess with God's design.
I don't put things away because ... My husband will never be able to find them again.
I don't do gourmet meals when I entertain because... I don't want my guests to stress out over what to make when they invite me over for dinner.
I don't iron because ... I choose to believe them when they say "Permanent Press."

Happy 29th Courtnye

Thought it was fun to include some old pictures of Courtnye and me:

Grandpa and Ella

Happy 32nd Birthday Mom!!

"Sail Away" Women's Retreat

Decorating Will

Ella wanted in on the decorating too...

Having a good talk...

Thursday, April 24, 2008

I copied this idea from Liz:

i am: watching LOST
i think: about the future a lot
i know: that my daughter is a blessing
i want: Ella to be a typical 2 year old, tantrums and all
i have: the most incredible husband and family
i wish: that my children would never know pain, but know the Lord intimately
i hate: housework
i miss: my grandparents
i fear: taking physical care of Ella for the rest of my life
i feel: tired
i hear: the television and William snoring in Joe's arms
i smell: the after aroma of dinner
i crave: the brownies in the fridge
i search: for ways to decorate my house
i wonder: when Ella will walk...I wonder this every day
i regret: so many things, but lately I regret friendships I've let slip away
i love: the way Ella lays on me in the morning when she's still half asleep and watching my husband take care of my children
i ache: for my daughter
i care: about making everyone feel included
i always: think I'm not good enough
i am not: good with change
i believe: that Jesus Christ is the son of God and died for my sin and I will reside in Heaven with my Savior for eternity
i dance: in the car while the music plays...oh and with my husband
i sing: all the time, but I try not to let anyone hear, even Ella cries when I sing
i don’t always: go to bed when I should
i fight: with myself more than anyone
i write: in my calendar, every day...and letters to people, in case anything happens to me
i win: rarely
i lose: everything, but Joe is helping me
i never: vacuum
i confuse: myself on which day it is
i listen: to kids make noise ALL DAY LONG
i can usually be found: near my computer
i am scared: of anything happening to the people in my family
i need: my husband
i am happy about: booking our flights to Hawaii for next Christmas (but hoping we go somewhere before then)...oh and super happy about the Women's Retreat this weekend!!!!

I'd love it if you posted this to your blog too (if you have one)

Look Alike?

Do they look alike?

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Curly Top

Today is Shirley Temple's 80th made me think that E kind of looks like her, what do you think?

Sibling Love

Everyone is asking how Ella feels about Will, I think this shows you EXACTLY how she feels. (Note: I was afraid she was going to bite him so I kept pulling her away, but she never did...she did poke him in the eye once and he freaked, but no major damage was done, that we know of)

Put Me in Coach

More Julia Kate Poage

Bow Head

The last one is Ella's new pouty face...silly girl.