Sunday, May 08, 2011

Mother's Day

Mother's Day has been so special since my very first one. I remember a friend telling me that it didn't count unless I had already given birth to Ella, but I disagree. Anyone is a mother who has given birth to a child, adopted a child, lost a child or been a mother-figure to anyone along the way. It's not the child that makes you a mother, it's the heart of the woman. My first Mother's Day Ella was only 4 days old and had just spent her 3rd night in the NICU. Re-reading my posts from that day and she had gone from "critical" to "guarded"...oh, those emotions. A child I was afraid to love too deeply, for fear she would be gone at any moment. I hadn't even had a chance to hold her long enough to even know her...I was a mother, even if I couldn't touch or talk to my child. Now I'm a mother of three sweet and very different children. Ella, well, she's just Ella. I don't know how to put into words what being her mother has meant to me. She has taught me more about myself, Joe and my loving Savior that I ever thought one little person, who doesn't speak, could do. She's an earthly angel. Sent to bring so much joy and hope to my heart. It's a challenge to know what to do to be the best mother I can be for her, it's not easy and I'll never try to lessen what we go through, but I don't know any different, and for that I thank my Lord because He was gracious when He gave me her first. Will, oh my goodness I had no idea that a "healthy" and "typical" child could be SO much work!! I have often said that Ella is my easy kid...and Will makes this very obvious. There are many challenges to raising a special needs child, but to any mother raising a very typical boy...the challenges never stop, or slow down, or freeze, or obey, or just sit quietly for one minute so mommy can think...and he's pure love. He loves to hug and cuddle and tell me how much he loves me. God knew that following Ella I would need someone who would talk to me (and boy does this kid talk) and give me all of the things that my heart missed with Ella...he gives me so much verbal input...enough for both of them! Adding Jonathan has made us very complete as a family. He's mild mannered like Ella, talks a fair amount already (no real words yet, but he's trying to learn from his big brother) and working hard to keep up with Ella and Will by crawling everywhere and doing everything they do. He's active, but he's also fine to just relax...he's my baby and he always will be...and for that I'm grateful. He's a happy baby. Will adores him and has never asked for us to take him back. He wants to be the first to go in and talk to Jonathan when he wakes up and Joe and I have prayed consistently that they will be friends to each other. We know that God provided a buddy for Will through Jonathan, and we will be excited to watch them grow in knowledge of God together. They are my children. They will stretch me and challenge me in ways I can't even imagine yet, but wouldn't trade any of the rough days for not being a mommy. I don't think I ever realized in my early 20's that I was created for a job so perfectly. I have made a lot of mistakes in life, but my children prove to me that we have a loving God who will still grant us small miracles as we grow to help us grow even more.

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