Life and Death

It's been an emotional week. Two girlfriends both had girls on Monday (congrats to Julie and Susan!!) then the Beckwith's welcomed Caleb on Thursday and the Rogers had Hallie on Friday...week of lots of babies (still waiting on Ginger Wells to show up!). In the middle of all of this joy and new life two lives were lost. A woman my age from church not only lost her child she was carrying, but in the course of that tragedy also lost her on life. How to attend the funeral of a 32-year-old mother and keep it all together...go numb. I still don't think it hit me. Even sitting in the church and looking at her husband (who taught our sunday school class a few times) and her sister (who is a friend of ours)I had a detatchment to it all. I still can't wrap my mind around a girlfriend losing her unborn child and now to know of a mother and child taken too soon together. I look at my life, and my family. Our life is hard, our future with Ella is so unknown; but we have her and each other. I feel like I can't complain about much. I realize that we are all given our challenges. I sat with a couple during the funeral who have tried and prayed so hard to get pregnant and God chose not to answer their prayers. I talked to an old friend today who just suffered a miscarriage. I read blogs where mom's hearts are breaking over the loss of a child or the realization that they may never be able to conceive. My challenge seems so small next to these, and then I realize that God gave me my own struggles. It seems silly to complain about my day with two, seamingly healthy, children. However, I know that God has blessed me and challenged me with the children I have in my care. Ella is happy and a joy, but there are so many daily concerns and frustrations. So often I want to scream "WHY?", "why did you have to allow so much of her brain to be damaged?", "why can't she just enjoy some of the activities that typical 2-year-olds enjoy?", "will she ever communicate, walk, talk, feel, or just be able to eat normally?". These are my challenges and I know that I'm not better or worse for having them, they are just what God is giving me to grow me into the wife, mother, and woman that I am called to be for Him. Today the pastor talked about hope...I love the word hope. There is so much freedom in knowing that one day my child will run on streets of gold and climb stairs in the mansion that God has built for her and sing praise songs for eternity...and for now that is my hope during my own challenges.