Suffering

This weekend, while Joe was out of town on a Men's Retreat, I decided to attend church with my parents and my sister (and Micah). In attending the Height Baptist I usually expect to see people that I grew up with, their parents, and people who are both family and like family. I was raised in that amazing church for 26 years and it's like going home when I'm there. Disclaimer: I absolutely LOVE our church family at FBC and am in no way looking to switch over!!

So, that all being said BOTH the Sunday School lesson (given my Matt Russell) and the church sermon (presented by Gary Singleton) were about suffering.

Suffering: to submit to or be forced to endure; to feel keenly; undergo or experience; to put up with especially as inevitable or unavoidable; to allow especially by reason of indifference; to endure death, pain, or distress; to sustain loss or damage; to be subject to disability or handicap.

I think we have ALL suffered. So many people ask how I "do it" with Ella or how I handle my days...I just do. The same way that families who can not bare children still attend first birthday parties, the same way my sister sleeps at night with a husband in Iraq, the way my friend survives without her father, the way the Moody's love the Lord without Eliot being in their arms...by God's grace and love you just "do it".

We don't all have to suffer big things. God gives us the sufferings that He designs us for. The question posed today was "Shouldn't life be easier as a follower of Christ?" Christ himself endured suffering: "Although he was a son, he learned obedience from what he suffered..." Hebrews 5: 8

Even Paul suffered countless times for his love and commitment of Christ. I love the following passage: "...there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:7b-10

I have learned to be SO thankful for Ella. I have learned that God has raised me up to be a new woman in Him because of the mother he has called me to be for Ella. I have prayed more, read more verses, listened more in church, and cried out to my Heavenly Father more in the past 16 months than I think I had in my whole life before my child became sick. I believe that the Lord could have brought me to this point in a million different ways, but he chose exactly what we have in Ella. He could have used Ella's death, but he chose to use her life...I am daily grateful for that. When it gets really tough some days I just remember how lucky I am to even have her here with us...and how her laughter can light up my day...and I know that it's not so bad.

Do I cry for her to walk...YES!! I believe that's okay. I know that the Lord loves me and holds me when I want my child healed. He knows that I don't understand the reasons, but as Marian always says...the why wouldn't make it any easier.

While we were in church today I saw a little girl being held by her daddy. She is probably about 4 years old and as I glanced over my heart ached for the day when Ella will wrap her arms and legs around Joe and put her head on his shoulder and just know that he will hold her forever. There are so many things that WE want for our children, and for ourselves, and yet all that matters is what God wants for us all...and listening and being obedient to that.

I teared up a lot at church today. I realized that there are SO many people who struggle with their own issues and some think mine seem worse, I'm really pretty okay with it...well, today anyway.

Just know, wherever God has you he wants you to rely on him whether you are in good times or bad times. If you are in plenty then praise the Lord that he has blessed you SO much. If times are rough and you feel the burden of suffering, then cling to Him...he may not fix it the way YOU want him to, but he'll be there to guide you through. He doesn't say life is easy and he promises that there WILL be suffering, but he gives you a shelter to cling to and know that He is God.