Our family this week...

It's only Monday and I feel exhausted. My brain has started racing in the past few hours about my test tomorrow. I keep thinking that there is no way it's anything bad...there is no way God would give our family breast cancer in addition to everything we have on our plate right now. I also know that is an unfair statement. God has a reason for everything. We will never know the reasons that Ella got so sick and continues to have problems, but we do know our lives are blessed by knowing how far God has brought us. As we look at picutres tonight of the past almost 5 months we are reminded how God has healed her in so many ways...even if it's not fast enough for us. The physical therapist came this afternoon, since I have to be at the hospital tomorrow morning, and she told me that on her first evaluation of Ella she was sure that Ella would be completely blind and probably never get out of her automatic-reflex position (the fencer). Well, we all know that Ella sees us, because her face lights up even before we say anything. I'm scared about tomorrow, but I also have started to learn that God's testing brings me closer to Him. Maybe that's what all of these trials have been about...either way, I've learned. I have learned true love both for a child, a husband, and for our Savior. I've realized total lack of control...which has been a hard lesson. And I've learned that if they come back and say that it's worse than I hope for...I have amazing people around the world who will pray for me without ever meeting me. It says a lot about God's people when they can gather around a child and pray for her and she was healed...again, even if it wasn't the way we would have wanted. My daughter will be okay because one day she will come to honestly know the God who loves her and the meaning of purposeful prayer. My marriage has grown by leaps and bounds because we learned from Christ how to love each other and how to hold each other up when we both want to give up. Unconditional love is amazing and it saves us when we can't do it on our own. I scared about the outcome of these test results, but I'm also slightly scared about what the doctor will say about Ella's MRI on Thursday and what the kidney test will reveal on Friday. If I lived everyday scared I would miss out on little joys...like my child laughing so loud you can hear it in the other room now...and being grateful when she cries, because she CAN cry. We have a long road ahead, but it's a long one and I'm grateful that it's not short...it could have ended that first day in the NICU.

Please pray for our family this week...as we have a rough week of news...prayerfully it will all be good news. But I'll be honest, I'm still scared.